The Reuben Sandwich: A World of Possibility
Hey guys, it’s Darren. There’s something I need to tell you about. Let’s just start with the fundamental agreed-upon objective truth that the Reuben sandwich is the single best deli sandwich in existence. It just makes things easier. If I actually had to prove this truth, I’d simply be wasting everyone’s time writing about something only related to the actual, riveting topic I would like to write about. Or, I could buy everyone reading this a Reuben sandwich. That would prove it, however I do not have the money. Let’s move on.
Many people are not aware of the breadth of the world of potential in which the Reuben sandwich resides. There is, of course, the Reuben sandwich — which on its own will satisfy anyone at any lunch: business, quick, late, or otherwise — but there are many other variations on the Reuben which are just as important, beautiful, and delicious. Let’s discuss them.
Here’s a chart, beginning with the classic Reuben:
The Reuben
The classic Reuben Sandwich is made on dark rye bread with corned beef (no, not pastrami, you’re wrong), sauerkraut, Swiss cheese, and Russian dressing. It is grilled, toasted, microwaved…it’s hot. If you don’t serve it with a pickle, you are not a deli and do not deserve to serve this sandwich at your fraudulent establishment.
Countries of origin:
- Switzerland (cheese)
- Russia (dressing)
- Germany (sauerkraut)
- America (deliciousness)
The Rachel
The Rachel is exactly like a Reuben excepting one substitution: coleslaw instead of sauerkraut. The results of this substitution are stunning. The Rachel is also this The Colonialist Editor’s Favorite Sandwich.
Thoughts you might have while eating a Rachel:
- “This is the best sandwich I’ve ever had.”
- “The woman I marry will be named Rachel.”
- “My entire existence finally makes sense.”
- “I have figured out the perfect exit strategy for Iraq.”
The Mr. Relief
The Mr. Relief is probably the least Reubenesque of the Reuben sandwich family. I firmly believe that the most essential part of a Reuben sandwich is the corned beef. Some may substitute pastrami for corned beef, however it is much more common that those who use pastrami instead of corned beef simply believe that a Reuben is made with pastrami. This is treason. Thus, I simply refuse to name, or even to identify any “Pastrami Reuben” or “Reuben” made with pastrami. Such ignorance shall not be rewarded. That being said, a Mr. Relief is a completely justifiable sandwich, as it replaces corned beef with turkey. Thus, the new sandwich receives a new name. If you are petrified of trying a Reuben, this may be a good warm-up, you huge, huge wuss.
Things you may or may not have done right before eating a Mr. Relief:
- Finally finished a Sudoku
- Called a close, but technically extended relative
- Walked by a Starbucks
- Read a vaguely tragic, but horribly written news article
The Broadway
I hesitate to legitimatize a sandwich made with pastrami (see above), however, what I really have a problem with is when establishments or persons replace the necessary corned beef with pastrami, yet remain ignorant to the fact that the sandwich is no longer a Reuben. A Broadway is a Reuben with both pastrami and turkey substituted for corned beef. It is good. It’s not great. Yes, I’m still giving you facts.
Famous people who eat The Broadway on a semi-regular basis:
- Jeff Goldblum
- Bubba Sparxxx
- Arnold Palmer (incidentally, he drinks an iced tea every even-numbered time he eats one and a lemonade every odd-numbered time, yet drinks an Arnold Palmer with any other, non-The Broadway sandwich)
- Frank Thomas
- Nancy Drew
Are there more? Probably. This is all for now, though. I hope that with this information you can enjoy the world of the Reuben Sandwich in any way at all. If you know of any other varieties, please comment here, although you must have proof of this sandwich being served in at least one legitimate establishment (please note pickle-serving requirements above), or — if you cannot offer this proof — you can make it for me and I will decide its fate. I am also eager to hear about any particularly good Reubens or other varieties of such in the DC area or any area at all.
I love you.
I didn’t mean that.
Maybe I did.
Let’s take this slow.
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Comments
i’m from North Carolina and in the south (or at least my part of the south) the rachel not only substitutes slaw, but also turkey for the corned beef. thus the southern rachel, is a mix between the northern rachel and the mr. relief. consequently the mr. relief does not exist in the south which i theorize has something to do with the civil war. you people beat the hell out of us, forced us through reconstruction, and now we have less sandwhich varieties.
In the (small) Jewish community of St. Louis Park, Minnesota, there is a great kosher deli in which a reuben made with turkey instead of corned beef is also called a Rachel. And, thus, all of Minnesota (and much of the midwest) knows a Rachel to be a turkey, kraut, and Russian dressing on rye bread.
Incidentally, we also call Russian dressing “1000 Island.” I don’t know if there’s a difference. I think it’s the same. Just a different name.
Lastly, the idea of a Reuben made with coleslaw instead of sauerkraut sounds absolutely disgusting.
Some places serve a sandwich called a New Yorker, which has BOTH corned beef and pastrami. The best place in the city to get this is Jack’s at 19th and L AND NO OTHER PLACES CALLED JACKS. This place has the best corned beef in the city and is thus the best place to get any variation on the Reuben. They call their Rachel the “Cloak and Dagger”, and its great too.